I’m Not About That Life

You wouldn’t look at me and know this, but sometimes I listen to music that makes me want to put on a ski mask and…well, I don’t exactly know what I would do after putting the mask on, but I feel like that’s the first step once you listen to M.O.P.’s “Ante Up” or Mobb Deep’s “Shook Ones, Pt. II” (particularly the remix with Lil’ Kim).

So when a guy emailed me on the afore mentioned dating website that I’m on who seemed a little…rough around the edges, I figured why not? Everyone I’ve ever dated has been clean cut and owned at least three pairs of khakis in their closet. I’ve never gone out with a stereotypical bad boy…you know, the ones that are attractive in that “romance you and then might rob your house later” kind of way. (The perfect example of this would be Rick Ross…there’s something about the level of bravado that allows him to say “I’m not the type of n**** that you bump into at a 7-11 and just pull your pistol on him/And do what the f*** you want to do”).

Anyway, the guy and I agree to meet at one of those trendy bars where there’s a hundred types of German beer, and he asked why there wasn’t Bud Light (that probably should’ve been my hint to walk out), and for a second I thought the waiter was going to run to the store to personally pick up a six-pack for him. The conversation wasn’t bad, and dark skinned Suge Knight seemed pretty smart and savvy. I started thinking this wasn’t going so bad when he decided to casually say that when he was younger he was in gang (although you never really leave a gang, you just become inactive; apparently this is like “once a Marine, always a Marine”), and that if we were together, I shouldn’t ever worry about being protected because at any point things could be handled. At this point, I’m not even sure what else we talked about because my mind immediately went to scenes from Boyz in the Hood, New Jack City, and Training Day.

The date came to an end, and on the drive home, it was obvious people have preferences for a reason and although I’d like to think I’m “ride or die”, it’s probably more accurate to say I’m “ride or die with the exception of potential litigious activity.” There’s no way I can get caught up in some madness and have to go into witness protection in a place where there aren’t any Whole Foods nearby. So I’m back to the drawing board; and this time I’ll ask if they prefer Banana Republic or Ralph Lauren khakis.

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